Loves Languages: How to Express Love to a Romantic Partner

Heart carved into tree for love language expression

We are each wired to experience love in unique ways, what Gary Chapman, Ph.D., calls our love language. In his best selling book, The Five Love Languages, Chapman identifies, you guessed it, five different love languages: quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch.  Learn how to determine your partner’s love language and gather ideas on how to best show your love and affection.

If your partner’s love language is Quality Time it means that he or she feels most loved when you are spending undistracted time with them.

If this sounds like your partner, try putting down the cell phone and doing something together that makes them feel like the center of your world. The perfect valentines gift for your Quality Time partner: cook dinner together and then maybe play a fun board game.

Partners wired to feel loved by Acts of Service will feel most love when you things for them that make their lives easier.

Acts of service are things like doing the dishes or laundry, detailing their vehicle, or packing their lunch for them in the morning. The perfect valentines gift for your Acts of Service partner: give them a gift certificate for an activity they enjoy doing out of the house and use the time when they’re gone to get ahead on some chores. If the things on their plate aren’t things you can do yourself, hire someone to do it for them.

Gifts: Not just any old thing will do when you’re trying to express your love to the person whose love language is receiving gifts.

It also doesn’t have to cost you a lot of money in order to be meaningful. If your partner loves receiving gifts, the important thing to them is that you found something that made you think of them. Whether that means picking up their favorite snack at the grocery store or giving a heart shaped rock that you found on your afternoon walk. The perfect valentines gift for your Gift loving partner: Pick out something within your budget that is both thoughtful and meaningful, make sure you share the story with your partner.

Words of Affirmation: The person whose love language is words of affirmation feels most cared for when their partner expresses their love and admiration either in writing or spoken word.

Above all else, it fills them up when you share with them how you respect them, what you appreciate about them, when you are proud of them, and most importantly, how much they mean to you. The perfect valentines gift for your Words of Affirmation partner: After a romantic dinner, take your partner’s hand, look into their eyes, and tell them all the things that you love about them and your life together.

physical touch as a love language
Physical Touch: If your partner’s love language is physical touch it goes way deeper than sexual intimacy.

Hand holding, back rubs, brushing your hand along their back as you walk past, or playing with their hair as you watch a movie together are all little ways to make your physical touch partner feel loved. The perfect valentines gift for your Physical Touch partner: dim the lights, light a bunch of candles, start the fire and give them a sensual massage.

If you aren’t sure what your partner’s love language is, pay close attention to the things that they do for you. Often our partner will try to express their love for us in the language that makes most sense to them. You might also notice the things that they tend to complain about. If their love language isn’t being adequately fulfilled then it’s likely they’ve made comments when they’re feeling frustrated. Caring for our partners in the way that makes them feel most loved is the best way that we can share our love this Valentines day.

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